Hello… July is already over, so I guess I have to write another recap post! 

Art Fight was a flop

Well as you may know, I've been prepping for Art Fight almost since the beginning of the year. Unfortunately I think I ended up burning myself out, so I didn't really draw that much after all :( I have to say that at least the couple of pieces that I finished turned out great! But ugh, I wish I could've done more than this!!

To be fair, I'm not going through a good mental health moment, so yeah… I was really struggling during the entirety of July, the fact that I finished something was a miracle! But even if I have a good reason to justify why I barely drew attacks this year, I still feel a bit sad that I didn't force myself to draw a bit more. Whatever, it is what it is.

Well. What now?

I don’t even know. I’ve been preparing for Art Fight for so long, I kinda don’t know what to do next!

I do have a convention this September!! So I’m looking forward to that right now, but I’m probably not gonna make merch, and if I do it won’t be a lot #tbh. I have enough stock right now, I don’t feel motivated enough to make new stuff, and it’s not like I have a lot of time to make new merch either. Maybe I’ll try to make some zines at home, but I’m not sure about that either.

My priority right now, to be honest, is to make art for myself and reconnect with art. I’ve been putting a lot of pressure on myself lately, and I’ve been having a lot of self confidence issues for a long time… but I want to forget about that and have fun making art again. Sometimes I’m jealous of my 15 year old self (that was in 2019…) who drew 3 sketchbooks/comic diaries in a year, where they only drew stuff that wasn’t meant to be shared with anyone, but a form of self expression… I wish I had that motivation nowadays, but I’m willing to fight to get it back.

With this I mean to say, that maybe I’m not making an official “I’m taking a break” post this time, but I’m definitely taking a small break until early September… and then taking another one once my next con is over. It’s not a big deal, so I don’t like making it look like a super drastic and dramatic decision, reason why I’m not posting about this outside of this blog LOL… but yeah, it’s something that’s been on my mind for a while. I think I’ve had a phone addiction for long enough to be tired of it, and the negativity I see on social media is definitely not helping me get better, because yeah, I’m not going through a good mental health moment rn. Maybe not being on social media won’t be the solution, but would it hurt to try?

I also miss reading, watching movies, playing videogames, making crafts (outside of drawing…) and indulging in my hobbies. I think my phone is stealing my time and draining my energy, and it sucks because I don’t even like being on my phone!!!! It’s like I get FOMO and need to see what everyone’s up to all the time and to compare my life to other people’s or something, so I spend hours scrolling for no reason… ISTG, it’s not healthy, and I want to make a change in my life.

I have to say, I won’t be 100% offline. I want to be more active on neocities!!! I’ll still be using my personal, priv social media accs that I use to talk to IRLs, and I’ll keep updating my backloggd/anilist/etc. This isn’t about taking a break from using the internet, but about leaving my most “overstimulating” social media accounts and apps. IDK if this makes sense, but it makes sense to me… I want to spend less time online and more time reconnecting with the things that I love, my art and OC’s being one of those things. 

SO, summarizing, I wanna take some time to take care of myself, enjoy things again and make art for fun again. That’s all there is to it, really.

Anyway, I guess that’s all.

I don’t want to keep writing and writing about this stuff, because it really isn’t that deep :P I just wanted to tell you where I’m at, what’s going on and what my plans are right now, in case anyone reading this cares!

I’ve been rethinking a lot about what I want my social media presence to be like, and I’m still figuring everything out, but right now I just want to take a break and reconnect with my life and hobbies outside of my screens. I hope this makes sense :’D

Sorry if this recap was a bit empty and boring haha! I don’t have much to talk about… But even if life has been a bit boring and my mental health has been a bit unstable as of late, I’m still having fun and enjoying this summer :) I’m still okay guys, just overthinking (as usual haha)

I think that’s all for now :’) See you next time! <3