Jesse Skai's Blog

Hello, hello! I’m back with a new monthly recap. I… This month wasn’t the best either LOL. It’s funny that I started this blog during an Era like this, y’know, an art block era. I really wanted this year to be better than 2025, but the first half of 2025 was so good it’s a bit hard to match that energy.

First of all, post recap! I did post this month, two traditional pieces to be exact. They’re not my best pieces, but they are something! 

Posts:

I also posted sketches on insta stories and bsky but I'm too lazy to reshare them RIP… Summarizing it was OC stuff mostly, I’m very OC pilled lately

I’ve also been working on the web sections with information about my characters! I decided to restart the code from scratch since I wasn’t happy with my progress, and now I’m super happy with the way I decided to format the pages. I decided to do another layout similar to what I would’ve done on carrd, but with some extras like a language toggle so I can have a spanish version in the same page. I’m still thinking of how I could improve it visually and what sections I might add to it to make it more interactive and fun to navigate, but for now I think I’ll limit myself to actually finish the main characters’ profiles, which won’t happen until I draw all the art the page is missing. So yeah, this is still a WIP that won’t be up on the website until it’s 100% done… but I’ll keep updating you on the progress everytime I can!

Updating on the art classes: still haven’t started taking art classes LOL. I promise it will happen in March. IT’S A PROMISE!!! If I don’t start going to art classes now I think I will go crazy. I’ve been avoiding sending the text to ask for info and finally sign up to take the classes because it made me anxious and I felt like I wasn’t ready to take them. I've been making up excuses the entire month, and I can’t keep going like that. I have to fight the anxiety and finally do SOMETHING ù.ú

I’ve probably been very annoying, since I don’t stop posting about my art block on social media, but to be honest, I don’t really have much else to post about? Of course I could stfu but IDK, it’s MY online space and I think I get to talk about it if I want to LMAO. 

Anyway, I’ve mentioned on Instagram how I think this art block only happened because I spent a lot of my time last year making merch and it burnt me out so bad it made me want to quit. Well, to tell the truth I quit being an artist alley artist! Ultimately I decided it wasn’t my thing at all. Making merch didn’t just burn me out but it also made me feel like I was being stripped of my creativity and motivation to work on anything else. Making art specifically to make prints and stickers made me feel like I was a part of the capitalist machine, making fanart of stuff just thinking of how well it would sell, rather than making it for my own enjoyment.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think ALL merch artists are a part of “the capitalist machine”, I think there’s people making super cool and interesting merch with super creative designs, and I even have some ideas for merch that I would like to make a reality if I ever decide to go back to selling products of my art. It’s just that I don’t find it fulfilling, it actually makes me feel like I’m not accomplishing anything other than trying to figure out what people might like.

If I have something clear is that as an indie artist and creator, it’s that I want to work on my own projects more than anything. I like making fanart, but I think I prefer participating in my fandoms via cosplay than making fanart, not because I see fanart as less than original works, but because I find cosplay more fulfilling than fanart, and find original characters and art more fulfilling than drawing other people’s characters/works. I love my blorbos, and I’m a big fanboy of the things I love, but I think I’m not good at making derivative works. Does this make sense? 

It’s ironic, considering I started off as a fanartist and I still make tons of fanart, but I think there’s a lot of potential that I’m not achieving when I limit myself to make stuff I’m not passionate about; but it’s equally frustrating when I decide to focus on the things I actually want to work on and I find myself trapped in this art block situation.

The thing is, I’ve been working with this “everything I draw will be for future merch” mindset since I decided to start applying for artist alley events. It’s been going for so long that when that wasn’t in my goals anymore I started feeling… lost. And I also lost a reason to keep up with my motivation, since I started working without deadlines and without a clear short-term goal. Now I’m not only burnt out, but also out of creativity and motivation thanks to not knowing What To Do now.

I don’t want to put the blame on making merch only, but man it’s so obvious how different my art is before and after my first event. But I guess there’re more factors that lead me to this art block: drawing too much without breaks, not practicing enough, a negative mindset and my own perfectionism. I don’t really know what to do anymore, that’s why the art classes seem like the only way out right now.

I need a good amount of fundamentals lessons, to go back to the basics and start all over again! I honestly don’t want to just make art that’s as good as before my art block, I want to change the way I work entirely and improve more than ever! Which of course isn’t gonna magically happen by going to classes if I don’t put in the work, but I promise I will work hard on improving too ònó I don’t want to keep getting stuck on this loop forever, because, honestly, I know my art skills are lacking in many ways and I have a lot to work on if I want to be happy with my art. Of course, I will never reach perfection (nobody can!), but if possible I don’t want to get stuck on beginner mistakes forever. I want to learn! I want to improve! I love art and I want to learn how to do proper studies and implement what I learn in my art!

I guess that’s my goal for next month: get over the fear of doing something new and take the first step to make art I actually enjoy making. I don’t want to be so harsh with myself, at the end of the day everyone has ups & downs, not every piece we make can be perfect. There’s always bad streaks that we overcome with time. It’ll pass and everything will be alright in the end! But I should also put in the work to make a change happen.

Anyway, this turned into a long rant LOL, sorry if this isn’t really a monthly recap? I just don’t really have anything to recap at all, so I took the opportunity to talk more about this. I hope I have more to say next month…

This is all I had to say in today's entry, so I guess that’s all for now ! Bye! <3